Sunday, August 26, 2007
2:24 AM

I think

Yet another birthday party today. My nu-er's.

And what she said in her emo speech got me thinking about how many true friends I have. Anyway, what do you consider true friends?

There are many friends that I can click with, but there aren't that many friends who really understand or care about you. People, even the closest ones, inevitably think of themselves, and apply what they think to you. It's best when you can bitch together with them, but when people emo, they assume that you don't have emotions like they do, that they have every right to emo, and you shouldn't be affected by their emotions, and that you are happier than them. Or worst, they think you are unfeeling, or don't have a life, or don't have worries like them.

While others are wallowing in self-pity over little things (well, at least they are little to me), there are others who are suffering from bigger things, but refrain from complaining. I think about my friends struggling with getting over their close ones' passing or family problems.

I feel ashamed of myself, for getting in a dispute with my sister over a small thing, and getting seriously angry over it, and displaying a black face throughout the day, despite trying to hide it from everyone else. I think of my wishes of going for exchange, and then my parents' medical condition. I think about my dad's operation next week, and there I was, hanging out late, sleeping over at school and making them "worried", catching a late night movie and going for a dragonboat regatta on a Sunday, a family day. And then I think about what kind of daughter I am.

I think they know that I care about them, and that I have commitments outside that perhaps they cannot visualise, that I have interests that they can never fathom.

But sometimes, even I cannot understand myself.