Thursday, September 04, 2008
10:55 AM

Back in Singapore, I guess things are the same. I still can't communicate with my parents. But they still love me. I think my dad loved his bday present. I think I put more time choosing presents for my friends than for myself. So I hope every one will like their presents, whether from Europe or HK.

The library is still crowded. The Singaporean accent is still everywhere. Retards flood my school, like it's a school for the retards. The school is the same, but the people have changed. When people are different, the culture is too. I still feel like a foreigner in school. I was only temporarily able to ignore that fact when I was occupied in Crew. I was only able to relieve that thought when I see my old friends.

I hate it when I have to keep convincing myself I'm ready to be back home. I don't even know what is wrong with me to have to do that, because, after all, who doesn't like to be home? But home reminds me of pressure, burden and responsibility. I had been facing that all my life, but it's only when I compare it directly with the free-spiritedness I felt overseas, that you realise that weight had been too heavy for a young girl to carry.

Talking with high-flyers sometimes makes me feel inadequate. Sometimes I think I am too blessed, which makes me feel lucky as much as I feel like shit. But life's like that. It's always a struggle, whether internally or externally. Always a battle for what you want.

But what do I want? I'm constantly redefining it, and hopefully will be able to come a conclusion soon.

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This week my cousin is getting married. I'm going to hwachong for maf! In my ugly hc uniform! And finally Sunday Brunch, german-style at Paulaner. oooh! something to look fwd to!